Becoming Before the Breakthrough

 

🌸 Things I’m Too Shy to Say Out Loud

Some things don’t come out easily, not because they aren’t true, but because they feel too fragile to hold up in the open. Maybe that’s why I write. Because I’m not always the first to raise my hand, or speak in a crowded room, or strike up a conversation with someone I barely know. But I am always thinking. Feeling. Observing. And sometimes, it feels like my silence holds whole stories no one’s ever heard.

So today, I’m letting a few of those stories breathe. The shy parts. The gentle truths. The sentences I wish I could say out loud — but will whisper here instead.

🌱 I dream big — quietly.

I think about universities more than I let on. Not just for their names, but because I imagine walking into a campus that feels like growth. That feels like a version of me I’m becoming. I don’t always say this out loud because I fear I’ll sound too ambitious, too unrealistic, or too “much.” But the truth is, I want that future, and I’m working for it, quietly but fiercely.

What Helps:

• ✍️ Writing it down: Seeing my goals in ink reminds me they’re valid.

• 🎯 Saying it to myself first: I whisper them in journaling, affirmations, or even in the mirror — until they feel like mine to own.

• 🤝 Sharing with safe people: I choose one person who feels kind and grounded, and I practice telling them about my goals. It feels easier each time.

🫧 I overthink every interaction.

Even when I say a single sentence to someone, I replay it for hours. I wonder if I was awkward. If I said too much. If I said too little. It’s exhausting sometimes, being this aware. But it also makes me thoughtful. I listen well. I remember details. I notice the way people’s eyes soften when they talk about what they love. And I think that’s its own kind of strength.

What Helps:

• ⏳ Naming it as overthinking: That shift turns it from fact to feeling.

• 🧠 Journaling the spiral: Getting it out clears the fog.

• 💬 Role-playing or scripting: Practicing conversations helps build a quiet kind of confidence, especially before interviews or new social settings.

🔒 I don’t like attention, but I want to be seen.

There’s this constant tug-of-war inside me: part of me wants to stay invisible, safe behind routines and rituals. But another part, the bolder, braver version of me, wants to be heard. To matter. To lead. I just want to do it in a way that doesn’t feel like performing. A way that still feels like me.

What Helps:

• 💡 Focusing on impact, not impressions: I ask, “Who might this help?” — not “What will they think?”

• 🌼 Allowing myself to bloom slowly: I don’t need to rush to become visible. I can warm up, not light up.

🪞 I’ve changed. And I’m still changing.

I don’t say this much, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Whether it’s learning to show up when I’d rather hide, or pushing through math problems I once gave up on - I’m growing. And no, it’s not obvious. But it’s real.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to speak all this out loud. But for now, it lives here. In this little corner of the internet. In the space between the lines, because not all power has to be loud. Some of it whispers, and still echoes.

Being shy isn’t something to "overcome" like an obstacle. It’s something to work with, gently, respectfully, and courageously. I’m not here to become someone loud. I’m here to become someone brave, in my way, in my time.

If you’re shy, too, I hope this post reminds you that your voice is still a voice. And when it speaks — whether in whispers, writings, or one-on-one conversations — it matters.